I can't believe how fast the summer is going. It's already the beginning of August! We are headed to our family reunion in pretty much no time and by the time we get back, it will be time to get ready to go back to work. Man, I hope my kitchen is done by then! It still seems like there is so much left even though it's mostly little stuff, it takes a lot of time.
I am anxious about teaching this year. I am fine with my home studio and everything seems to be going fantastic with my students here at the house. I am a little worried about the fact that I lost so many seniors (good ones too!) that my numbers will be a little low, but if I am going to be taking on a few more hours at the University, maybe it's better that way. We'll see what my numbers actually look like come this fall. I am a little concerned about the University teaching. It's a great gig and I am very excited that I have the position, but I know that it can't last unless I actually finish my thesis and receive my master's degree. I don't know that I want to drive to Boise twice a week while Ethan is still so young. I miss him when I work all morning and all afternoon. I know that I have it great because I have a home studio and I know there are lots and lots of moms (probably more than not) who have to work full time and have their kids in daycare full time. However, I didn't want to do that. I still don't. Ethan hangs out with his cousins and his Aunt Sarah while I work at the University. I just feel guilty. Sarah is a stay-at-home mom and somehow she invokes guilt in me without saying or doing anything to make me feel guilty. Those feelings are coming from me. I do want to see my son. I do love what I do and I love the extra income that allows us the freedom to do fun things and do things like remodel my kitchen. If I quit at the University, I would have to increase my hours at home and our income would suffer, but I might be happier in the long run. However, if the University is going to increase the pay for adjunct faculty (which they are thinking about) and it would be at all possible to teach out of my office up there and get my home studio out of the spare bedroom, that would all be very good. I know that it wouldn't be forever though. I would need to finish my thesis in order to stay. So, needless to say, I am very confused. Getting it down on "paper" helps it make a little more sense though. I will be teaching in the fall and most likely throughout the rest of the year. If the program keeps growing the way that it is, they are going to have to hire a PhD "soon" anyway and then none of this will matter too much because I won't work there anymore. I do love teaching at home and if I could just do that, I would rather, but I enjoy the differences in teaching the University provides me.
This stuff has been on my mind a lot and I thought I would try to get some of it actually out of my mind for a while.
Jamie
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