Bad Habits...

My blog challenge for day 4 is to blog about a habit I wish I didn't have. Well...there are a lot of habits I wish I didn't have. There are the smaller, less important habits like eating cereal in front of the computer, leaving the wash in the washer too long, and biting my nails. Then there are bigger, more affecting habits like dominating conversations, taking on more than I can handle, and eating delicious food past the point of full.

I think for the purpose of this blog, I will tackle contemplating taking on more than I can handle, although it might be cheating because I think I just talked about this not too long ago in my blog. When I was growing up, my life seemed to often be spinning out of control--in a good way, but spinning none-the-less. When you are the oldest of 9 children, there is a lot of responsibility to be had. Now, before you go judging my mother for "putting things on me", let me tell you that my mom is one of my best friends in the world and she raised me just fine, so don't even go there. Since this is my blog, let's talk about how I fit into this habit of mine.

I grew up taking charge. I took charge of homework time and bathtime. I set examples at school and at church. My siblings, cousins, and friends depended on me. I was the one that could take on whatever I was dealing with AND whatever they were dealing with and learn to come out clean on the other side. I was always composed and in control. Of my feelings, my environment, my entire world. However, I think this need for control came from a feeling of lack of control in other areas of my life.

I feel some embedded need to prove myself. I feel the need to prove myself to my husband even though he doesn't ask me to. I feel the need to prove myself to other moms due to the pressures that motherhood brings. I try my hardest to prove that I am a good teacher, a good listener, a good friend. And sometimes, I go overboard. I take on more than I am capable of completing at an acceptable level. I say yes wanting to impress, when I should respectfully decline to keep my sanity. It all just seems like some kind of juggling game. How much can YOU keep in the air without dropping anything or sacrificing? I think we all have this habit in one way or another. For me, it's always saying yes in order to prove to those around me that I am a well balanced, talented, and educated person. For others, it's the same situation, but maybe for different reasons.

Saying yes to more than I can handle is one habit that I wish I did not have. While biting my nails makes me feel like a tom-boy, leaving clothes in the washer too long makes for more work for me, and eating my cereal at the computer bring missed opportunity for conversation with my son, it's this one big ad habit that causes the most disruption in my life. Maybe some day I will learn to balance and break this bad habit of mine as it really is the one that bothers me the most.