So, I have realized in my old age (all of 31) that judgment of others is really a waste of time. I have spent my life wanting more for people than they want for themselves. I think that, in and of itself, is not a bad thing. I want my husband to be the best that he can be and be happy doing what he does. I want my siblings to meet wonderful mates and spend the rest of their lives realizing their potential. I want my mom to make the choice in her life that will make her the most happy and show her who she really is. I want my son to share his toys. :) I want my students to be successful in their daily search for growth and enlightenment. However, I am learning that there is a difference between wanting the best for everyone and being upset at them for not making the choices that I see as "clearly the path to take them there". That's the judgment part. I have decided that it's just not worth it...the being upset part. It doesn't help them and it doesn't help me. I've decided to turn that around. I am proud of my family members. I am proud of all of my siblings. They have all become wonderful people. I am proud of my husband and my son. I am proud of my students and from here on out, I will celebrate the people in my life and work to build them up rather than tear them down or tell them how I think their lives should have turned out. Who do I think I am anyway?
Let me give you an example. My sister Emma is stubborn. She knows this and it's one of her best and worst qualities. Her husband is a diver and got a job in Louisiana. In order to keep her family unit together, she moved to Louisiana when their baby was just a couple months old. She drove there. Across the country. In a fairly unreliable car. She lost her wallet. She took someone with her, but that person turned out NOT to be a lot of help when she needed it most and was more of a burden than a help. They slept in lighted gas station parking lots and rest areas and I said to myself (and to others)....she's crazy! What is she thinking? She's putting herself and her baby at risk so that she can drive far away and live by herself while her husband is away on a ship in the middle of the ocean. I thought she was being ridiculous and stubborn and I chose to judge her instead of support her. Had I approached the situation differently and been more supportive of her actions, we would have a stronger relationship and maybe I could have made what must have been a VERY difficult transition just a little easier on my little sister. Now that I look with different eyes, I see her bravery. Her fear must have always been on the edge of her thoughts and yet, she felt this was the best decision for her family at the time and did what she felt was best to accomplish her mission of keeping her family together. Instead of supporting that, I was upset with her and couldn't understand her reasoning.
Let's back up a few years. It's the year 1998 and I am a failing freshman at CWU (1.8 GPA and on academic probation...however...for posterity, you all should know that I graduated from EOU with a 3.7 GPA and went on to graduate school. :)). Someone approaches me and convinces me that I can make thousands of dollars by selling encyclopedias door to door. Now...you may laugh, but when you are making "interesting" choices in your life and you are learning what it means to be on your own...a lot of things sound pretty good. I paid my $400 (that I didn't have, by the way) and got my training and my books. Then, I got in a car that didn't belong to me and I drove BY MYSELF to Tennessee. I drove through tornadoes and parked under the overpass on the FREEWAY with everyone else so the car I was driving wasn't damaged by golf-ball sized hail. I slept in rest areas with the rest of my caravan and cried myself to sleep with fear. I got to Tennessee and took my week-long training and gave the guy back his car. Here I was, 19 years old in Tennessee with no car and very little money. They hooked me up with a roommate and sent us off to Pittsfield, Massachusetts. We arrived and had to live out of a dive of a hotel until we could find somewhere to live for the summer as the company had not arranged for housing. We found a basement to live in and began our selling. It took me about 4 days to realize that I was NOT good at selling things door to door. I spent the rest of my time in Massachusetts hanging out at the park during the day so my roommate wouldn't know that I wasn't even trying. It only took a short time before I called home and mom bought me a GREYHOUND ticket across the country. I rode that greyhound bus for days from Massachusetts to Washington. Now....how is my sister's choice to move to Louisiana to keep her family together and establish a life on her own any more "reckless" than my behavior? She had good reasons and a plan. I had NO reason and NO plan and it cost me (however, I will never forget the experience). I was being selfish when Emma moved and not thinking of her best interest and that of her new family, only of myself and what I felt was best for her.
I have stories like this for everyone I know. Stories when I judged when I should have either been supportive or kept to myself. I am going to work hard to make sure that I am a more supportive and less judgmental sister, mom, and friend. Hopefully, I will make a positive difference in the lives around me rather than a negative one. Just like Emma's stubbornness, my desire for everyone to reach their potential is both a positive and a negative trait in my character. I need to figure out how to use it more for the positive and learn to keep my opinions to myself when it's appropriate to do so.
Deep thoughts by Jamie. :)
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